I have not been feeling oh so bloggy lately.  It's not that I have nothing to say or there's nothing going on. It's more like feeling like I'm one step away from either complete disaster or incredible relief.  The old platitudes along the lines of being the darkest before the dawn and the windows opening as the doors slam shut seem true.  Most people think that I am relatively lucky and that good things happen to me whether I work for them or they just fall into place.  And I would generally agree.  I try not to get worked up over hang nails, bad hair cuts, financial blunders and general day to day bull shit.  But man oh man, when the shit hits the fan, it really really hits.

For the most part, we've kind of been coasting on the good life for oh, about 7-8 years.  There was drama at times, but mostly we've been unscathed and just cruising  life's great big auto pilot.  And all of a sudden comes the dirty side of the storm (hey, I'm entitled to at least one hurricane reference).  My crying jags seem to be more spaced out, my stomach is no longer boiling and Chaz and I are able to appreciate the incredible good that has come in the midst of the bad.  However, we're still kind of in the shit and the foot hovers precariously close to that nasty banana peel.

One of the bright sparks is my new job.  I'm back in the music and creative world and I love it.  My artistic  background *and* my office skills are both recognized and appreciated ...pretty much on a daily basis.  I'm getting paid not too much more than when I married Chaz in 2000, and I'm not even complaining about it...that's how relieved I am to be in a place where I feel I fit in.  I'm singing again and using my brain again and not just spinning wheels and that feels fantastic.

Another bright spark is the forging of new connections.  Help, friendship and just general kindness have come from some unexpected places and for that we are truly grateful.

And the upside of having our tenant move out is that all our boxes are almost unpacked and now we feel like we are truly in our home.

The tough is not over.  Though there was no Gustav physical damage, it was our first emotional experience of clearing out and packing up for evacuation.  It's exhausting worrying over the things that didn't fit in the car and wondering what you're going to return to when the storm clears.  Chaz is still without work and this is financially and emotionally draining for both of us.  We're living in the equivalent of a Greenwich Village apartment on a bus boy salary until we get the upstairs rented out.  We returned from our lovely hurrication to find one of our bank accounts hacked into and drained of the precious little money we had.  We had a looting attempt.  None of these individually is the end of the world...but put together over the course of three months and it will test all your hopes and dreams that this was the right move.

Time will tell, but I'm still hopeful.  The hardest time (prior to this one) that Chaz and I faced was the year before we married.  And having a life with him and the up swing after that rough patch has up to this point been wonderful for both of us.  And I know that in the middle of that shit storm, we questioned what the hell we were doing just like we are now.  So I know that there is still potential of our New Orleans life being the second best thing that ever happened to us...we just have to get to that other side.