First off, you should be oh so thankful that I waited a day to post an update.  Yesterday would have been a teary, badly typo'd post filled with lots of expletives and WHY ME?!?! fist shaking while staring up at the powers that be.  However, while the morning did not bring any more hope of dollars in our pocket, it did bring a tad of perspective. Or actually not perspective...more like the latest Dr. Ding superforce shrink wisdom...you can only hold an anxious panic state for so long.  Now you can hold general anxiety/stress/depression for a real long time, but have you ever tried really balling for an extended period of time?  I don't mean little pretty tears...I mean full force weepin' and a wailin' breast bashing and thrashing about.  Believe me, if you let it all out like ya did when you were two, it just cannot go on for very long. 

Of course I wasted three days of little pretty tears every couple of hours when I thought Scotsman wasn't looking..but two nights ago was a full blown sob fest.  There are just not too many jobs right now.  And I don't mean there aren't a lot of falootin' tootin' high horse corporate jobs..I'm talking the sound of crickets in the recruiter offices/placement agencies.  Nothing says LOSER like sending out resumes and cover letters into the great vast beyond with nary a response - unless of course it's spam where they are really selling you some shit.  Chaz actually got a form response from a ...wait for it...NUN... who was selling her resume services.  She has fifty jobs if only Chaz paid $100 for her to revamp his resume.  Uh huh, smoke another one Sister MaryJane.  Actually there are more loser-ish things, but I'll get to that later.  So we've been living on love, unemployment benefit thanks to Chaz' lay off two weeks before he was to give notice in NYC, and my very slim part time grooming paycheck.  Which came to a grinding halt on Friday...hence the weeping.

***slight digression***

Grooming where I was was not pretty.  Actually it was pretty damn horrible..and it had nothing to do with evil dogs or their owners.  It had everything to do with a competitive fellow groomer who physically threatened me (nice, right?  Can't say I ever had that happen to me in Corporate America) and fought over every dog that came in the shop, and oh yeah, a kind of kooky owner couple who have some *ahem* issues regarding ..oh I don't know, self esteem/insecurity b.s. and then important stuff like BUSINESS MANAGEMENT AND ADMINISTRATION?!!

How not to run your goods and services business: Waiting for the phone to ring for appointments, saving space for walk ins (how many people really spontaneously decide to groom their dog?), no advertising and bumbling around muttering "oh it's never been slow like *this* before".  Um..hello?

Then there came the brilliant idea of putting us on salary after labor day when it gets busy after starving us all summer on commission....what a way to foster a healthy work environment! So I was already looking for something better or just something else and decided the game plan was get sorted financially, work on picking up clients and then perhaps go into business on my own.

***resume chron***

So Friday, "sometimes accidents happen for a reason" groomer (actual quote when she "tripped" and fell into me) and I were both sent home with no work as owner decided that while it was so slow, she was going to do all the dogs that came in and she would give us a call in a few weeks when things pick up.  Cue Office Spaces boss:  mmmmmm kay.

Panic ensued.  We have no money.  We're barely paying our bills and looking for work that isn't there and now we have even less than we did last week. 

I thought I hit rock bottom when I forced myself to ask the local watering hole about the dishwasher job.  Oh - and had to hold back the maniacal laughter with tears when I was told the job was filled.  Secretly I thanked GirlJesus, but I was (am?) still scared shitless.  What can I say, financial uncertainty is a major button.

Lo and behold last night was that last drop in the bucket..the proverbial straw.  The I'm-going-to-vomit-because-I-face-impending-doom staying up all night anxiety when we received notice that our tenant (ie. half our mortgage bill) moves out the end of this month. 

So I stayed up sweating and staring, tossing and turning, not knowing whether that sinking feeling was going to lead to actual toilet hurling (which incidentally I really hate doing)  until I just could not sustain the dread and fell asleep.  And lo and behold, I woke up this morning finding some of my cajone resolve.  Thanks be again, GirlJesus.

I woke up and had two interviews...one "real" job and one minimum wage dog handler job and we'll see.  The financial future is a little frightening to think about right at this moment, but we just have to do what we can knowing that at any moment things can turn around for the better.  We've played out the "what then" scenarios which help to rationalize that we are still a ways away from the corner in a cardboard box.  We have each other and we are in the place we love.  Despite the fears and uncertainty right now we don't regret for one second moving when we did.  We will get through this and are already releasing our true selves and comfortable in letting others see who we are which allows us to connect in a way we didn't do with NY/NJ.  Pulling up your big girl panties and getting on with it is far more productive and mentally healthier than wallowing in dread. 

Just please remind me of this in a couple of days if I'm still not generating income and there are no work bites on the horizon.

I don't ask for much, but I will ask for some karmic mojo now.  We both need some good thoughts people if you have some prayers and good wishes to spare.  I promise to update as soon as things look better. 

Oh, and ps (speaking of glass 1/2 full)  having no money works wonders for the diet!  I'm down to a solid 202 for the past two weeks which I hadn't seen for awhile.  When all other diets fail, just eat like you're not going to see a paycheck for awhile